He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
