Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I checked into jail on foursquare
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
