Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just google imaged poop.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
