I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
