Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
