3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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