I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize