Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
