Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
