You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
