New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
