I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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