You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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