my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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