Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
