please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
