we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
