if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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