i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
