My pussy is not your playground.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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