Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize