You're so nebulous sometimes
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
