we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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