If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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