I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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