the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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