I haven't been this sober since birth.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The uberlube is also flammable
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
