I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
