Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
