Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
