No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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