one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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