summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
