My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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