mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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