So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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