I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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