oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
