sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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