Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize