The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
