Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
