Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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