ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
