today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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