His pubic hair was longer than his dick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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