I love black thongs
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
