Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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