Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
where are you?
Hypothermia
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
