Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
