Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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