Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize