i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
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