Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize