sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
