I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
