Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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