I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
