The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize