Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
