after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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