I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm at about main and main street
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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