if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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