I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
