70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
