he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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