A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're a waste of cheezeits
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
