dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
