honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
