he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
