i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
