very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
