Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
