It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
