Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
