Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
