I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
