I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
